Our chickens roam the garden, Clyde is lying out on the monkey bushes sleeping in absolute dog contentment. School is good, life is good. But me? Am I good? Each day seems to get better and yet worse.I definitely feel each day is harder than the last, and that's a little exhausting. But each hardship I face, I feel like I break through a little more. Painful inch by inch. Maybe things are looking up. I can't lose hope. One day I sobbed in moms arms until there was nothing left to sob, then she lead me upstairs into my room, gave me almonds and put me to bed. Today I woke so happy! Yesterday I had zero meltdowns, I was on a new path today. Until mom told me I couldn't bike today if I was also going to run. I totally lost it. I got so angry. Hysterical (I'm ashamed to say). Why? I felt like an animal was let loose in me. And it lasted 5 minutes or less. It left me stunned, tired and confused. Was I going crazy? This wasn't normal. I had just eaten too. Low blood sugar again. How? How had it gripped me again? Took me by the shoulders and shook me until it hurt. I was tired of hurting. Of course mom, dad and Cate understood, they always do. We realized I had had coffee that morning for the first time in a month of two, maybe that triggered it? You know, I don't know. I am still learning, I'm still struggling and holding on by a thin rope. But I am NOT defeated. With God holding me and my family ready to catch me, I'm not afraid. I can only hope for better each day. And I have a game plan.
1. Get good sleep 2. exercise 3. vitamins 4. gain weight 5. pray hard.
"Prayer first; prayer before anything else or there isn't anything else".
~ One Thousand Gifts
On a happier note, one of my favorite snacks is larabars . My favorite flavors are of course chocolate or mocha or coconut pie or carrot cake, but all I had was dried cherries and I do love the flavor cherry pie. So I tried making them myself, they were delish!
Here is my recipe:
|My homemade Larabar|
Cherry Pie Larabars
1 cup of almonds ( or any nut you like)
1 cup of pitted dates (I used sunsweet)
1 cup of sugarless dried cherries (or any dried fruit you like)
Process nuts in food processor until ground with a few small chunks. Pour ground nuts into another bowl.
Add the dates and dried fruit to the food processor, grind until a sticky paste forms.
Put the nuts, dates and dried fruit into a electric mixer and mix until well combined. Or use your hands.
Pour mixture into a greased small dish and pat down with a wet spatula until firm.
Refrigerate for an hour or two. You can cut them into bars and leave them in the dish covered with plastic wrap or I cut them into bars and covered each bar individually with plastic wrap so they're easy to grab and go.
* You can add mini chocolate chips into the mixture. Or cocoa powder and make them into any flavor you really like.